It’s March. We got snow last week. New conclusion: sun is my anti-depressant!!!
Today it is nice and SUNNY and I celebrated by dusting off my cherry red sunglasses and taking a nice brisk walk outside to look at the new violet and orange flowers. So in my quest for signs of springtime – comes Spring Cleaning… de-cluttering my life and trying to simplify a few things. Well, I don’t have many possessions to give away, so I am doing some mental ‘cleansing’ and getting my rid of some cobwebs that were accumulating in my mind.
What does this all mean? One simple word: PLAN. My new plan: to not have a plan [and be okay with it]. I am currently a final applicant for Teach for America, a wonderful organization that helps low-income students have the opportunity to receive a proper education. In every aspect, it is wonderful. I have the upmost respect and gratitude for those who take on this challenge, and firmly believe that these teachers really do make a difference. So??
My whole life I have wanted to help. I believe that the saddest thing in the world is when people don’t reach their full potential. I want to help people to conquer their goals. BUT, how am I supposed to preach about ‘potential’ and ‘goals’ when I don’t even know if I have reached it myself? What I am trying to say is: what experience do I have that will inspire students? Here are these students: fighting for an equal education that many others just take for granted, yet I am up there teaching, trying to gain respect. Fact: I need personal challenges so that I can gain self-respect, not just respect from others. I need stories that make me who I am. How do I accomplish this? More travel. If I get re-accepted into TFA, I will do it with the upmost honor. However, if I don’t get accepted, it’s totally okay with me! I will just pack up my bags for one more year and move somewhere else. I think this is completely necessary because no comfort zone + adaptability = self respect.
Upon returning from a study abroad experience, some say “I am a whole new person”. I completely disagree. I am the same girl with the same morals and the same priorities. However, the way I choose see the world is completely altered. I don’t think of ideas as “set in stone,” but now look at ideas as “a fluid pathway” that can be changed at any time.
I guess this stream-of-consciousness blog can be summed up in the thought - that whatever happens: life goes on, and we need to learn to be comfortable with ourselves before trying to help others.
I know that in 2 days I will have another mental flip-out because my Type A personality will want me to have a 5,10, and 20 year plan, but I am doing my best to just relax. I am so unbelievably blessed with the life I have been given so far, and I know there is something inside me to say “keep going”. My potential is not met yet. Not even close. What I do know is that I can’t sit still, and need to continue to look around. So what if I never find what I am supposed to do? Again: no problem. At least I will have some ridiculously good memories.
Best foot forward.
With much love ~ Chrissy